March 9th, 2010

Thinking pose

learned so much in such a short time

How long has it been since I had my doubts about Ardor House? Since I started wondering whether I shouldn't find an agent? November. Only a few months. But I have learned so much since then.

I remember when I was a teenager I was puzzled that I couldn't remember what it had been like to believe in Sinterklaas and the tooth fairy, even though I could remember many other things very clearly. The things I had learned in Science class also just clicked into place, and I couldn't fathom what it had been like not knowing how eyes and mirrors worked, for example.

Now it seems I have lost my faith in the publishing fairy in a similar manner. I blame John Scalzi with his down-to-earth wisdom. I can't remember what it felt like to believe that this novel I'm writing would be a good novel on an international scale, that getting it published would probably lead to a movie deal and I had to record names of friends who wanted to be extras. And I only realised this weekend that losing those childish views also meant losing my faith in some of my writing friends. Which is a depressing thought.

Reality check. No matter how good I am, and let's be serious about this, I'm just not very experienced yet. It's my first crack at novel writing and I have probably made the mistakes every beginner makes, because I am a beginner and that's fine. But let's stop kidding around about movie deals, I'll settle for an advance of 3000$. Which is not going to happen anytime soon. It's going to take months, if not years, to find an agent. Said agent is then going to take months to sell the novel, and I'll be damned lucky if it sells to Tor or Orbit.

What am I going to do, knowing this? I'm going to write more. First I'm going to polish this novel until I think it makes sense. Then I'm going to start on a new one. Which may or may not be book two about Sol. But I think it will contain steampunk and bloodmagic, prophets and gladiators. And I think it needs an outline... And I think I need a website...

Back to work.
  • Current Mood: pensive pensive
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Thinking pose

dream

I woke up from a dream and I feel like I want to hold onto it. There's a theme in it that I like. It was Fallout-inspired, a post-apocalyptic dream with mutant monsters and bulky metal power armor. Different factions were fighting to stay alive, but they were decimated. The mutant monsters were irresistably attracted to some people, but they wouldn't eat or even attack others. The different factions, who were warring amongst each other, each came up with different explanations why some people were chased by the mutants and eaten alive while others were ignored, some said it was fate, determined by god, some said it was a mutation in their genes. The result was the same. The mutants were fast and bloodthirsty, the factions were decimated. Only the immune people remained and at the end of the dream they sat there, in the ruins, looking at each other, hate and ideologic differences still in the backs of their minds, knowing that they had to go on together. The only other choice was dying alone.

I keep wondering, where do I get ideas like that? I love themes like this. My current novel has a theme much like it. It's about good and evil, about truth, and how they really just don't exist. We are all just humans, mucking about, no idea what we're doing.
  • Current Mood: calm calm
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