Thinking pose

Subterfuge, people skills or something else entirely

caniche asked me to write about my sixth sense and nachtvisser wanted to hear more about it too. It's a subject that's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm a very analysing thinker usually, so I started out not believing much about astrology, prediction and the paranormal. Like I said in this post from a long way back, I came to the conclusion that many fortune tellers, mediums (media? that sounds like newspapers...) and the like seem to have somehow mastered the skill to tell people what they want to hear. And I realised that I have that skill too.

This sounds very negative though. "Ah, they tell people what they want to hear or need to hear, they are not really psychic." And I doubt that automatic statement and the judgement that usually follows. I mean, how do they know what the other person wants or needs to hear? The theory of cold reading suggests it's all in looks and body language, reading between the lines. I think it's more than that though.

I'm not so sure about ghosts and communicating with people who have died. I am not going to take that in account here, I'm just going to admit that I don't know about such things. I have occasionally seen a spirit or a dark shadow hanging around a certain place or a person, and I don't know what it means or how it works.

I do think it's very possible to hear what another person is thinking, to feel what they are feeling, a sort of advanced form of empathy. I know I have done it all my life. When I was little, sometimes I couldn't quite tell the difference between my own thoughts and someone else's and sometimes I couldn't tell whether someone had thought something or said it out loud, it sounded the same to me. My mum frequently scolded me for things like that. I couldn't know and I shouldn't say those things. Over time I realised that not everyone could hear what I hear sometimes, and I also learned to tell the difference between my own thoughts and feelings and those of others, though they still get jumbled up sometimes.

Through the course of my life, I noticed that my empathy, if I can call it that for now, would sometimes be "on" or "off", but I couldn't really find the switch. I'm still very clumsy about it, but I have noticed that in the past weeks, it has been on constantly. And I'm learning to handle that. This is why I hate crowds; too many people, too many random thoughts and feelings that I pick up on and nothing I can do with them. This is also why I am very selective when choosing my friends, sometimes I just pick up on something about a person that I can't handle and I can't explain it, but I prefer not to be in that person's presence.

Sometimes I try to write about it, hoping that other people will recognise the experience. Some of the scenes with Topaz contain very autobiographic elements. I like to get it off my chest because it bugs me. Like I said to nachtvisser , I hate the thought that I'd be psychic somehow. Why, he asked me. My initial reaction was plain denial; I just can't be. Later I realised that it scares me a little. I still have those remarks from my mum in my head. It's a lot of information to handle, a lot of things that I "shouldn't be hearing", and most of the time it's either very irrelevant or very private. And finally, I really don't know what do with it.

Except accept it. This is who I am. Not a psychic, not a fraud, no special labels needed. I'm just Nathreee.
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I wondered about this when you described how certain people have a 'cloud' on/around them. I found that fascinating because I have this thing with picking up people's feelings and emotions as well, only it is very raw, not fine-tuned, out of control. I can't turn it on or off, sometimes it's strong and sometimes it's not, I don't really know if it's truly someone else's feelings or just my projections, and I wonder if I'm wrong most of the time. I'm rarely aware of something like a 'cloud' around people (though I can recall perceiving that once or twice, oddly enough more often around people who are more guarded. Like I said, not really fine-tuned.

At the moment I'm actually not very good with tuning into people. I'm very caught up with my own feelings and issues and it seems that the signals others send out bounce off me more because of that. It changes over time, though.

All I know is that as a child I was probably open to everyone's feelings and thoughts and signals and I was upset all the time because I thought it was all my fault, etc.

I tend to want to believe in the more science-y, neurological approach when it comes to feelings, thoughts and senses. But then there are things I find difficult to explain through that, as well.

I feel better without labels, too. Labels are just going to limit your belief in your own abilities, anyway.
It is part of you. Wether you accept or reject. It'll always be there.

Maybe this is you pushing you? Like we talked about? You saying to yourself to take action in the matter. Only thing is. What action.